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Support Collectors Scholarship Award Winner for 2018

Congrats to Countney Stepan our SCI College Scholarship award winner for 2018. Courney attends Texas Tech University and will use these funds for her tuition this coming semester.

Below is her award winning essay:

Problems Faced in a Separated Family

“Why can’t they just get along”, “Why do they always have to fight”, “It’s my fault they aren’t together anymore”; these are the thoughts that sailed through my mind for years after my parents got a divorce. As a young child, I never understood the reason for my parents being separated. While all of my friends had a happy whole family, mine seemed to be constantly falling apart. There are many problems that children, both young and old, face when their parents go through a divorce. As a child who comes from a broken family, I can vouch for each problem that I will explain as well as every solution I will offer. Children have a particularly tough time with separation. Sometimes, parents fail to consider the ramifications of the consequences of this separation on their children. Understanding how kids can see the separation and the ensuing parental relationship is an important factor in helping lessen the emotional turmoil of separation for children.

First, the child almost always thinks it is their fault. They need to understand that it is never their fault. A divorce can be difficult for a young child to understand. The most important thing to do as a parent is explain to them what is happening. As a child, they also do not understand how to process information that is as life crushing as their family getting torn apart. Family is the most important thing to a kid and when it separates, this can easily create a divide between the kid and one or both parents. A way to overcome this loss of relationship(s) and self blame, would be to reach out to both or one of the parents and talk about the problems that they are facing with the divorce. Kids often prefer to hold feelings inside, but they should not be afraid to talk to their family about what they are going through, especially since it is sometimes hard for the parent to remember that the child is going to have a completely changed life after a divorce. Unfortunately, the kids will most likely be unable to see one of their parents as much as they used to. This can be extremely detrimental to the child’s maturity, relationship developments, and overall mental health. Kids should try to make time to spend with both parents equally. If the parent is suddenly having to be a single guardian then their children will most likely not receive as much attention as they did when there were two parents who worked together in receiving a good income for the family. The parent may also be more easily irritated if they have to work multiple jobs or longer hours. The kid needs to be prepared for this outcome and know that it is not them who is making their parent upset.

Next, this new stress load that is dropped onto a single parent might cause them to easily blame the other parent. For years, my mother blamed my father for everything that went wrong in her life. The kid should understand that there is no one to blame when it comes to a divorce. Nonetheless, they should be prepared to see their parents fighting or hear them talk badly of one another. Incidents like these can affect the child’s depiction of their parent(s). It is important for the child to understand that their parents are facing challenges they never wanted to face. They must be prepared to forgive their parents for anything they do because of the stress from a divorce. As the stress level increases for a household when it encounters a divorce, the child’s stress level increases as well, often leading to depression or feelings of loneliness. Growing up in families where their developmental needs are not met, children may face a variety of problems including low self esteem, inability to trust others, substance abuse, or teenage pregnancy. This can then affect the child’s grades and social life. With an understanding of these impacts, the child can learn to overcome these feelings by talking to their parents, a friend, an authority figure, or even asking their parents if they could speak to a professional to help cope with the separation.

Lastly, the kids should be prepared to downgrade. If they were comfortable in their assets while their parents were together, they will likely have less with just one parent, especially if that parent makes the lower income. They may not get as many things as they want or as many gifts on their birthday or Christmas. To overcome this, they will have to understand that their parent is trying their best to care for their family on their own and keep their children happy, which is one of the toughest challenges for a parent. The longer the parents are separated, the more likely it is that they will remarry. This can be one of the biggest challenges the children face because they often feel as though their parent is trying to replace them or their other parent. The best way to cope with this is by finding reassurance that the parent has no intention of replacing anyone. The child must accept that their parent still wants to have a family that includes someone for them to love.

While many problems come from divorce, good things can come out of it too. A family needs to be prepared to combat the problems head on so they can figure out the best ways to do things for everyone. Both the children and parents must be willing to cooperate when coping with a divorce. There are many instances where a broken family does not understand how to keep everyone’s best interest in mind, however, there are also many who are able to overcome the problems that they face during a divorce. It may take a while, but with effort and patience, eventually everyone is able to overcome the problems that are experienced before, during, and after a divorce.

Our clients say...

I want to thank you for doing a job neither the local child support office nor my attorney could accomplish, not only making it possible for my children to receive child support payments on a regular basis now, but also collecting the back support owed to me from a deadbeat dad.
- Robin B., California
Collected $14,000

I had exhausted all courts and literally hit a dead end. I was even told by the Clerk of the Court that I had no further recourse to collect support from my ex-husband, a deadbeat dad. Through your devoted efforts and your highly specialized team, payments started and are continuing.
- Sara G., Florida
Collected $20,000